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dio canon

i drink 7up as much as i can even tho fizzy drinks hurt my mouth i am so fucking valid.

misc memories

• i found vanilla ice as a homeless dude. the fact he became such a loyal follower after being hit with the arrow was partially psychotic but also a mystery. i played it off cool to seem like i meant for that but i was actually incredibly confused.
• when he decapitated himself i was beyond confused. don't people think that silence was cunning and plotting when he did that i was so fuckin weirded
• one time i asked him for more wine and he said there was no more and began crying
• i once woke up yelling from a nightmare in my first months in the joestar mansion. when jonathan entered the room to check what was wrong, i played this off by punching the air and pretending that i was excersising. he just turned around and left the room.
• vanilla ice destroyed the walls a lot. i tried to teach him to use doors but he cried.
• i accidentally kicked enyaba once because she is short
• age 10ish, i was dared to eat a live rat for money by some rich kids. i did it and when i came home i was covered in blood and my mother was worried i'd stabbed someone. i told her what happened and gave her money. at the time i thought she was proud but looking back she probably wasn't.

canon story

this is kind of a wall but if you're here its probably either curiosity or seeking canonmates

pretty much every nasty and horrible thing you can think of happened to me as a kid so i grew up resenting how shitty the world was. i was pretty excited to inherit the joestar fortune bc i wanted to use that money to basically try and do everything in my power to topple capitalism (aka why i lived in a shithole for my life) and seeing jonathan living in luxury his whole life without working a single say pissed me off big time

learning abt vampirism was great. the original plan was to just get shittier ppl but i went a lil over that bc i resented people as a whole (woops lol)

then i got put under the ocean for a century, and was only unconsious half the time. that was the good fun time because i wasn't consious to slowly lose my mind. it fucking sucked 0/10 too much water i couldn't look at an ocean without wanting death

i was running from modern technology and trying to find somewhere to stay without people to notice me too much and then i found a group of attackers attacking some kid, and i used vampire powers to slurp those guys up like yogurt. the kid was really glad i was there, even if she just saw me kill a small group of people, which is fair considering they were attacking her, a homeless child. i felt bad for her, but to try and ignore the possibility i had a conscience, i pretended i was only staying around her to understand the new world i had climbed out the ocean and into the ass of. i mean she already saw me disembowl and drink some people with superhuman power, so it's not like i needed to keep a secret about the whole vampire and sunlight thing.

i cared about her more than i ever really said. if you're out there, dad misses you (/corny)

other than that i had a great time pretending to not really mind killing those two kids jotaro and kakyoin, (jotaro didn't have plot armour in my canon) and i did the whole ascension thing and created a universe and yadda yadda made a utopia and made sure my daughter was safely in that world with some demigod powers to keep her happy, but as a non-demigod the whole concept is a bit too much for an originally mortal mind, so bye